Life's a Jungle | Vol. 16
Team, I could not be a happier camper to share the very latest edition of Life’s a Jungle with each and every one of you. I know for a fact that it has the potential to burn through 15 layers of high-density galvanized brass alloy sheet metal in 7.8 seconds or less, and know that because I’ve tested it in my Zurich labs and videotaped the process before destroying all footage out of pure, unadulterated fear that Volume 16 could be weaponized to pose a legitimate threat to all that favor good dance music.
But, I digress. From my penthouse tower sitting 25 stories atop the Chiquita Banana world headquarters, the serene Bora Bora landscape brings me hope for the future; when my G-Star Raw stocks vest, I will leave my post as Chief Vibes Officer and start anew. Until that happens, follow these instructions and you’ll be sure to make it through the weekend with optimal enjoyment.
1. Listen to your body! Funneling Veuve Clicquot through the neck of a plastic flamingo into Aunt Marge’s mouth might be a genius idea, but can seriously strain your arms and shoulders. Be sure to stretch beforehand.
2. Dress to impress! White linen pillowcases can convert into a chic sarong if you put your mind to it. JC Penny dumpsters can hold some diamonds in the rough at a serious discount. When in doubt, start with a rock-solid beach body, illegal Singaporean vape pens, and a dream.
3. Bring the heat! 2016 is all about taking risks, and next time you find yourself at Western Union wire transferring $10K in Algerian bonds to your chatroom pen pal just remember that friendship is a rare thing in this world.
I’ve got to jet now because AirAsia has a horrendous onboard wifi, but please direct all future inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org and note the level of honesty you’d like in a response. Also, enjoy the latest mix — some true gems hidden in there!
Braxton — Something About You
The Magician — Shy (Michael Calfan Remix)
Just Kiddin — Fall For You (Unorthodox Remix)
Offaiah — Trouble
Ayah Marar & Tom Bull — Mind Controller
Adam F & Kokiri — Harmony (Kideko & George Kwali Remix)
The Golden Boy — Good To You
Mark Knight — Yebisah
Lee Cabrera — Shake It (Joe Stone Remix)
TIEKS — Sunshine (KC Lights Remix)
Bixel Boys — Love Marks
Lost Coast — Caught In Red
John Monkman & Pete Tong — AURORA
Lane 8 — Crush